Weekend Mis/Adventures (Next time I’d rather stay home and ……..pour beer on my head?!)

Last weekend we visited my aunt Coz its monsoon and she lives five hrs. from the city, and that place is abundant with amazing woods, and there are majestic waterfalls gushing out of places still unknown to nature-polluting-crappy-humans-who-go-trekking, and of course my family knows the trails  coz they like to be the first ones to raid unknown-to-civilization-secluded-spots. The first thing I did was to tick off items on my very own “the worst possible and possibly impossible scenarios that could splash water on our plans” list and after finding imaginary solutions to them….No no I don’t do it purposely it kindda comes with the being-Capricorn package …….or maybe it’s just me. Whatever. So after half an hour’s drive from my aunt’s we trekked some more through this really haunted looking jungle . It was super sunny and I got a bad/nice tan (depends on how you look at  that glass!) but halfway through and the climate transformed from “fuck-why’s-this-sun-blazing-in-monsoon-can’t-look-straight-maybe-I’ll-drop-dead” to “omfg-can-you-feel-the-mist-awesome-climate-here” and we heard the fall though it was still far away and passed/crossed its beautiful streams on our trail.

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When we actually emerged from the dense woods and saw it upfront ….I guess we must have scared the ghosts with the pitch of our voices if it were really a haunted forest!

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So my worst imagined scenario was of the pool reduced to a  puddle-size( coz it hadn’t rained for the past two days) and all of us trying to fit in it for a selfie! Hopefully that didn’t come true. But destiny had planned something completely unexpected which I hadn’t even thought of while crafting my eccentric list.

Barely 20 mins. into the water and a couple of pictures in, out, and around it, I was jolted out of my wits with such a nerve-wrecking cramp in my right foot that words couldn’t roll out of my tongue, and I started gesturing wildly in the middle of chest-deep water. But Seriously, Footcramp? The last time I had one of those was like five years ago, and I don’t have any pretty memories of it to say the least. I  even let the beer  fall out of my hand rather dramatically and I swear I saw it sinking in slow motion and the brown frothy drink mingling with pure transparent water and covering the colourful pebble stones for a teeny-weeny millisecond! Now that I remember-A PRO-TIP : Getting drunk on chilled beer In the middle of one of the coldest  water bodies in a misty cool climate while still half immersed in the water sprays may sound and definitely “feel” like the coolest idea but trust me its not a genius one! Now everyone of us(including the guy who made the stop at the first beer-shop on the way and paid for it) knew this very well. Let’s just say- sometimes my family doesn’t like using the brains at all and they like to call it creative thinking. Go figure. Now me being the only intelligent creature within the perimeter didn’t drink it, though I was pouring and rubbing it on my hair .PRO-TIP 2 If you haven’t yet tried beer as a hair  conditione, what have you? Do it right now. Go! and don’t thank me coz I got a saint-like nature and I’m super-humble as…

Anyways that was just when the cramp hit and then for nothing less than an hour I was left sitting on the cornerstone( yeah I sat on this huge stone in one corner of the stream bed) rubbing gin on my nastily twisted  paining  foot!  When I couldn’t take my boredom or rest of my kin’s enjoyment anymore I sneaked half of it in my mouth ( Bad decision! I still prefer Benadryl…….) with an expression of painful grief viz. usually saved for maybe when your cat dies.Guess I was the only one who  didn’t drink as much as got drenched in the drinks from head to toe!  

However I did enjoy the amazing views. For eg: One of my cousins (Three beers down, I later learned) sitting on a big black rock in the middle of the plunge pool with the fall gushing at her background, her long hair sticking to her face, legs folded Padmaasanastyle, hands on her knees, chin up, delivering a narrow stream of water from her full mouth like a totally creepy human water fountain….getting drunk like a fish is super-cool as long as you’re on the audience side!

When at last the cramp subsided I still didn’t move for the fear that it might come back with a snap but then couldn’t resist when everyone gathered for a groupfie and I ended-up dragging  my ass into the water(literally) with this brave and passionate expression to join them, and everyone started cheering like I was just on the verge of finishing some on-your-ass-marathon championship. Though after the pictures When the time came to “move it” from everyone’s way I finally got up and took on my now-normal feet, but the stones were uneven with no sign of firm soil and this time I snapped the left foot in a way much worse than the right one. I was carried and dropped at my sweet home-‘The Rock’, once again. Sigh!  Worse shit has happened to me so I just take it all as a routine now. Anyways. By the time we were having our lunch (finally something elevating), a group of 20-something kids emerged out of the woods with a cartoonish awed expression. Maybe we failed to  qualify as Columbus this time.

So I could’nt even dip my feet in the water even though I wanted to swim so badly. My situation was similar to that obese kid in a candy shop mummified and tied down to one place, and that place just seems to be from where he gets the best view of all the candies …stacked neatly, calling out to him to come and relish..AAARGHHH!!  but other than enjoying in the water I did certain activities which were much more pleasing and satisfying. Like say – collecting colourful and weird shaped pebbles and stones( which I threw downstream on the way back ….what? They were stones not sea-shells!)or watching that guy in neon boxers involuntarily shiver whenever out of the water or three of my cousins who couldn’t keep it down and were frolicking-Yeah that’s the exact word- FROLICKING in “shallow waters” in their drunken state- or how when it started to  drizzle slightly the fall started gushing furiously forward and people started moving backwards and the water level rose. Yeah I know… keen observation and genius conclusions of my smart ass! I even stared at its face continuously and yes it did have that hypnotizing effect which I can’t put into words. Try it yourself. WARNING: you will feel more than a little dizzy when you’re at it. duh! So I truely enjoyed mysel….. NOOO. THAT’S A LIE IF YOU HAVE’NT FIGURED IT OUT AAAHHHHH !! WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME ALL THE TIME EVEYONE’S ENJOYING THEMSELVES NO ONE EVEN CARES ABOUT ME  DORAEMOOooNNN!!! I DON’T EVEN HAVE A DORAEMON!! DAMN AARGHH…

I was so desperate that I made them stop at the beach on the way back to have a “quick” long swim. My old buddy ocean still loves me though. Plus it has soft sand and water that’s not too cold and no fucking pebbles and stupid stones to twist my feet. Fresh water bodies may be hypnotizing and heavenly and blah blah blah  blah blah but I prefer the salty sea anytime and now I appreciate it more than ever. Uh-huh.

On a brighter note, my hair now feels super soft and shiny! And you know why;)

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